Our friend is in Heaven

Kurt passed away Wednesday, June 10th at 9 a.m. Even though I knew he was weaker this time around and lost a lot of weight, I didn't think he'd leave us this soon, especially since there was a complete turn around since my last post.

On Tuesday evening, I walked into his hospital room, He was sitting up in bed, watching hockey, eating ice chips (to prevent mouth sores from chemo) and was really upbeat. His voice was 100% normal. He was alert and able to hold a good conversation. He had eaten a lot that day and was full. He read mail (with his reading glasses which was very weird--first time in 10 years), we talked, laughed, I helped him wash up, he wanted clean clothes, he helped me with facebook scrabble, we sat in his bed and watch the Jimmy Falon show which he remarked, "This show is really stupid. Why are we watching this?" It was the best I had seen him in two weeks. I was thrilled, I thought that this was a great way to go into the whole stem cell transplant.

We talked about how proud he was of the kids and how much potential they have. He mentioned that he wanted to tell them, but didn't want to seem morbid.

Around midnight the nurse kept coming in to check his blood pressure. It was dropping. She had a couple doctors come in, they tried hydrating, but that didn't bring it up. So they took him to the ICU around 6:20 a.m. The doctors talked to us and started hooking him up to things. The doctor asked him, if something happens to you, Kurt, would you like to be resuscitated, he responded, "whatever you'd like to do." (so easy going!). Then he started to gasp for air. I asked the doctor if I should get family to the hospital. She said yes as soon as possible. So I called his parents and my brother to pick up the kids and eventually Ray Walton came by to be with me.

They gave him an oxygen mask which wasn't working. They had to put a tube down to his lungs, so they asked me to leave the room. Next thing you know it, they are called "Dr. Cart, room 602"--that isn't something you want to hear, that means someone is dying. That was kurt's room. So ran around the corner and they were frantically working on him. I felt like I was watching a live ER episode. It was aweful. I thought, God please don't take him the kids aren't here. So I started yelling over the doctors working on him "Kurt you can't leave us yet, the kids are coming, please don't leave, etc." A champlan stood bye me and prayed. He said, "Look, he's back." The doctor walked up and said, "he's with us." During all this I called Kurt's brother, Greg and scared the daylights out of him. Sorry Greg. Hysteria isn't one of my strong points!

I talked to the doctor about his status, he was in a bad place. They agreed to keep the meds going to elevate his heart rate, but they didn't know how long his body could take it. Thank you Ray for standing by my side. So I called his brother, the kids, his parents and Tammy and John and held the phone to his ears so they could talk to him just incase he passed. Technology at its best. I knew Kurt could hear us. He reached out to Ray and I. He was holding on. Ray and I held his hands and rubbed his head, repeating "the kids are on their way, please don't go to heaven yet; Kurt, 10 more minutes and they will be here. Kurt, sorry, it'll be 20 more minutes." I thought, he is probably really pissed. I kept reminding him that it was morning rush hour traffic and eveyone was stuck in it. We prayed over him, the champlan sang to him. I told him to talk to God and ask for forgiveness and pray to go to heaven AFTER the kids arrive!

Everyone made it! They got to talk to Kurt, kiss him, love him and be with him. I told Kurt that I was going to tell the kids right there with him about what he and I had talked about the night before--about how proud he was of them, etc. I was so happy to have shared that with them with Maddy and David by his side. He passed minutes after that.

Kurt will be missed by so many. He's with his dad right now, I'm sure. His father, David died when Kurt was eight, so imagine they are catching up, driving in fast heaven cars and eating tons of steak. Maybe my grandmas is cooking them spaghetti and gravy.

Kurt will be waked at Hallowell and James (55th St. in Countryside) from 3-9 on Friday, June 12th. We will have a memorial mass at Emmanuel Episcopal Church at 1:00 on Saturday, June 13th (Kensington Road, La Grange). (Sorry it's 2 a.m. and I'm too lazy to look up the addresses.)

Thank you everyone for your love, support and encouragement. Kurt's at peace now, I hope all of us (you too) will be too.