Blackhawks Win the Stanley Cup!!!!!

That title is for Kurt, from Kurt. I believe in my head and heart that he has been with them all the way. If you recall, last year Coach Quennville visited him and called him when he was in the hospital.


I remember walking in the room when Kurt was on the phone with him. Kurt had been so ill, he wasn't really talking, just sleeping. He could barely lift his head off the pillow. I look at Kurt he is sitting up in bed, saying "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He mustered any bit of energy he had to talk to the Coach. When the Coach asked him if there was anything he could do for him, Kurt's response was, "Win the Stanley Cup!" Kurt hung up the phone and said, "That made my day! I'm exhausted!"

A year ago today, Kurt left us. Unfortunately the rest of the scene is all too clear in my mind. The past two days have been really sad. I wish he was yelling at the TV from the basement, scaring the crap out of Lucy. But he's not. Instead of going to the cemetery today, I wish we had a family nite at Aurelios. I hope he was walking with David up the aisle at graduation and watching Maddy play badminton. I pray he watches over us when times are scary and blocks any water that may be heading for the basement. I miss his kisses on my head at 5:50am. before he drove to work.

I know this sadness is part of the process of death and life. I just wish he could talk from heaven--like a heaven iphone. I would've like to hear him say, "Yeah, baby" with his bent stance and with him moving his underhanded punch back and forth when the Hawks made that winning goal. Sometimes I look up to the sky and say, "You owe me, Mister!" Then in my mind I see him laughing. And occasionally I yell out, "Where the hell are you???" then I look at the photo of him, Maddy and Mia--twinkle in his eye and that grin. However, so, so many times this year, I have said, "Thank God he isn't dealing with that disease anymore." And that statement, my friends is what gets me through a day like today. I can cry for hours, but seeing photos that Kurt took on the laptop of himself when he was ill, is even sadder. It wasn't the Kurt we knew and loved. He knew it, he was tired of it. The drugs and chemo took away his fun-loving personality. I probably have said all this before--still convincing myself. So when you miss him, look at these beautiful photos. I do. This was our friend. He loved all of you. Keep him in your hearts.