Blackhawks Win the Stanley Cup!!!!!

That title is for Kurt, from Kurt. I believe in my head and heart that he has been with them all the way. If you recall, last year Coach Quennville visited him and called him when he was in the hospital.


I remember walking in the room when Kurt was on the phone with him. Kurt had been so ill, he wasn't really talking, just sleeping. He could barely lift his head off the pillow. I look at Kurt he is sitting up in bed, saying "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He mustered any bit of energy he had to talk to the Coach. When the Coach asked him if there was anything he could do for him, Kurt's response was, "Win the Stanley Cup!" Kurt hung up the phone and said, "That made my day! I'm exhausted!"

A year ago today, Kurt left us. Unfortunately the rest of the scene is all too clear in my mind. The past two days have been really sad. I wish he was yelling at the TV from the basement, scaring the crap out of Lucy. But he's not. Instead of going to the cemetery today, I wish we had a family nite at Aurelios. I hope he was walking with David up the aisle at graduation and watching Maddy play badminton. I pray he watches over us when times are scary and blocks any water that may be heading for the basement. I miss his kisses on my head at 5:50am. before he drove to work.

I know this sadness is part of the process of death and life. I just wish he could talk from heaven--like a heaven iphone. I would've like to hear him say, "Yeah, baby" with his bent stance and with him moving his underhanded punch back and forth when the Hawks made that winning goal. Sometimes I look up to the sky and say, "You owe me, Mister!" Then in my mind I see him laughing. And occasionally I yell out, "Where the hell are you???" then I look at the photo of him, Maddy and Mia--twinkle in his eye and that grin. However, so, so many times this year, I have said, "Thank God he isn't dealing with that disease anymore." And that statement, my friends is what gets me through a day like today. I can cry for hours, but seeing photos that Kurt took on the laptop of himself when he was ill, is even sadder. It wasn't the Kurt we knew and loved. He knew it, he was tired of it. The drugs and chemo took away his fun-loving personality. I probably have said all this before--still convincing myself. So when you miss him, look at these beautiful photos. I do. This was our friend. He loved all of you. Keep him in your hearts.

Kurt

Tommorrow is Kurt's birthday. I can't believe it. Last year at this time he was summoned back to the hospital for a grueling few weeks. The nurses and family did their best to keep him positive and have a great weekend. Thank God all of his family came to town.

A couple weeks ago I had to pull disability papers with info on Kurt's hospital stays and medications. I miss him terribly, his immaturity, even the disgusting, irritating burps at the table or the constant whip lash in the car (just for the record--not the snoring, I actually am sleeping sound!). However, what Kurt had to go through to try to stay on this earth woud blow your minds. He was so very ill and took so much medication. What if he survived that last treatment? The thought of him going through ALL that again, gives me strength each day, just knowing he won't ever suffer again.

Even as sick as he was, he was silly. I laugh when I think of a day last May when he said, "God take me." He pulled the covers up to his chin like a little kid. He looked over at me, peeking over the sheets and said, "I'm still here, what's the deal, he's not taking me." Later that day he called me and said, "I'm still here." I said, "Can't you figure it out, he doesn't want you yet. It's not your turn. You have to stick around a little longer."

When you miss him, think of those funny Kurt stories. Please share. We could all use a few laughs! Happy Birthday Kurt. Hope you get your Lambourgini in heaven! I saw one yesterday in the lot on Ogden Ave. and thought of you, again. xoxoxo Go Hawks!

The New Year

Just wanted to say THANK YOU once again to everyone for the love, prayers and help last year. We are so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in our lives supporting us.


2010 so far is on the right track. The kids made it through finals with flying colors. I am soooooo very, very proud of them. Madeline is getting ready for this spring's badminton and working on her tennis for next fall. If all goes well (and I'm not being sarcastic), she will get her license at the end of April. David is currently in tech week at LTHS for "Ragtime." Possibly, this is his last musical before he heads off to NYU. (I doubt it!). He is also working on applications for scholarships--right David?


Fortunately, thanks to Dixon Law Offices, I have been hired to cover their walls with paintings--love it. And, as I was walking out of their offices after our appointment, one of their lawyers stopped me, long story--a few days later, she purchased seven paintings from me. Thank you, Amy! I'm still working at SPM Marketing & Communications as an administrative assistant. I job share which is ideal--work a week/off a week. The ad biz is crazy, but I enjoy it. I tend to attract craziness. Look who I was married to for 21 years!

Take care!

Update at the Bodell Ranch

Happy Holidays everyone. We are in full swing. Madeline and I put up the outside lights, which have been a little tricky--it's hard to be festive and hungry at the same time! The microwave blows the circuit. So, I am getting a lot of exercise running in and outside or up and down the stairs to flip the circuit breaker. It's my new training program instead of the Pilates jump boards which I am avoiding, so not to jar my brain.

The bathroom had a leaky toilet so it ruined our tile and foyer ceiling. Good reason for me to remodel the bathroom. Trust me I wasn't muttering those words a couple weeks ago.

I am proud to say I attended a breakfast with Madeline. Her Chemistry teacher nominated her for Student of the Month. She works so hard. It is nice that she has been recognized for it.

And finally, today after a week of sprinting to the front door to look at the mail, David was accepted to the University of New York's Tisch School of Drama. He applied for early decision and auditioned/interviewed in New York on November 11th. He/we are so thrilled and relieved. It is a wonderful Christmas gift and a terrific way to start the New Year! I am so proud.

And to all our family and friends, have a happy holiday season. We are missing Kurt, but know he is here in spirit. Remember he was about fun and celebration and had that shit eating grin on his face. Keep on smiling.

xoxo jani

Update

I didn't realize we still had a fan club and that people actually, still read this blog! Thank you. It's therapeutic for me too!

Okay....I had my hair cut pixy short before surgery... the scar is 99% covered by my lovely salt and pepper colors, my blond highlights are gone, and my head is still healing! I am trying to get back to normal despite the 2 hour naps and occasional funky pains and numbness in my head. My nurse told me to "listen to my body, if something is too heavy, put it down; if you are tired, sleep. My body is saying a lot of things, however, exercise seems to be my concern. Unfortunately, that's my only restriction until Dec. 3rd which is my MRI/Dr. Appt. All in all, I am feeling good and glad this ordeal is behind me. Thanks again to alllllll the wonderful family and friends that have prayed and helped us AGAIN. Gosh, I am so lucky and so very spoiled--who's going to clean my house, cook, and iron for me next year!!??

Madeline and David are doing fine. Grades are awesome. They've been helpful--occasionally I had to point to my head to remind them that I had brain surgery--that's okay, better that, than me laid up in bed in trauma. How long can I use the "I had brain surgery" card (which is the running joke around here. Last night I parked at the high school before the musical in a no parking spot, Ilooked at Mari and said, "I'm sorry, I'm Charlie Brown's mom AND I had brain surgery!"We laughed and got out of the car. It works well for phone soliciters too!)

Back to the kids...David currently is Charlie Brown in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." It's a charming production, and the cast is terrific. They work so well together. Congrats, David. Your talent blows my mind. I am so proud that you can juggle this craziness from college apps to working at Baker's Shoes. David had his early decision interviews and auditions at NYU. He was very happy with the day. Thank you to my brother for escorting David to NY. He will find out in December if he has been accepted. On the other good hand, he received word that he was accepted at Indiana U. and U. of Michigan. He will audition in February for those schools for the theatre department.

Madeline, I am proud of you too. Your hard work just shows your dedication to your future. I can't imagine learning two languages at one time. It was great watching you play tennis this fall. You kicked butt, and I am so happy that you had such a great time with Maeve and the team.

Holidays. My gosh, I can't believe it's the end of November. It's going to be weird without Kurt physically here. I believe he's here spiritually. We all need to believe that. Who else, besides Dr. Byrne got me through that surgery! Someone suggested we come up with different traditions--feel free to pass some onto me--please don't suggest baking cookies. We did that years ago and after about 20 minutes, the kids were off and running, and I was eating stiff sugar cookies. I have my gifts and baking isn't one of them!

Love to all, wishing you a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving. xoxo jani

Jani's Brain Surgery

So what did you do last weekend? Well I had brain surgery! It's all so ridiculous. However, it's done! Over! Feeling good. Came home on Wednesday. The tumor is benign which is what we expected. I get the 21 staples removed on Wednesday. Rush Hospital is fantastic. The doctors and nursing staff are wonderful. I am proud to say that the company I work for (SPM) create their commercials/advertising.

Tammy Dobrez is off the charts. Anyone that scrubs my floor and irons my dish towels is a gift from God! It was fun having her stay with me and the kids too! My brother is the best brother on the face of this earth. He is a giver! Mom stayed with me too. Lots of laughs watching Christopher Guest movies with her. And the entourage of family, love, food, laughs, flowers, visits from all sorts of friends (Uncle, Don Hodgman, thank you for driving 3 1/2 hrs to hang with us.You are a sweetheart. ) The friends keep giving. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

So after all this subsides, my goal is to plan a fantastic vacation--one for me and one for the kids and me. Not sure where, not sure when. We deserve it. It's fun to think about it. Life is too short friends, enjoy it! xoxo love to all, jani

Looking forward to the end of 2009

Well, the kids are back to school, grades, so far are super. Maddy had a fantastic tennis season this sophomore year. Currently she is taking French and Chinese, hoping someday to work international. David sent his applications off to various schools and has a musical theatre audition at NYU on November 11th. My brother, Joe is accompanying him since I will be recovering from surgery.

Yes, surgery, because the year wasn't stressful enough, I have to have brain surgery. Yep I found out at the end of July and just told family/friends two weeks ago. After losing Kurt I didn't think announcing the brain tumor would be good timing! I have a menginoma (i am sure I've misspelled that--not in spell check!), a benign tumor on the lining of my brain. Long story, but I had an MRI a while ago for something else, someone caught a glimpse of this spot a year ago, diagnosed it as a cluster of veins, but wanted me to come back just in case--have a year follow up MRI, to make sure it wasn't getting bigger/possibly a tumor. Well it is a tumor and is growing very slowly.

The good news is that I don't have any symptoms (loss of vision/seizures, etc.). It isn't pressing on anything. Remember it is not on the brain. It is on the lining. I had to the choice to take it out now, a year or two from now, which would be risky for the above mentioned symptoms, and I didn't want to think about it much longer. Cutting a 2 1/2 diameter hole in my head is freaky. Shaving half of my head freaked me out too so I cut my hair reallllly short--pixie cut (about as short as Kurt's was after one of his haircuts!) This is really putting a damper on my social life!

My friends and family once again are coming to the rescue. I am planning on Kurt and my grandparents to be watching over me too! I go in Sunday, October 18th to Rush University; surgery on the 19th (Dr. Richard Byrne); hospital stay for 4-5 days; recovering at home for at least two weeks. The kids are handling it well. I think they finally understand that this isn't a life or death situation, just an annoyance and inconvenience AND a big headache.

I will be fine. Just another challenge in the lives of the Bodell Family. Thank you for your love, support, and friendship. We couldn't have survived these ordeals with you.

xoxo jani